Yesterday was probably my lowest day yet, nope not the scale though that would be awesome, in my emotional life. I wasn’t handling Mike being gone very well at all. I cried tons (still am a bit) and then more some and finally decided to write a couple people I knew would understand or at least help me see something I’m not. I wrote Pam and told her exactly what I was thinking and feeling and since she’s just really getting into the empty nest thing I knew she’s know something. Pam told me to start a journal. I’m not a journalier, I really am afraid of who might see what I’m really thinking and feeling but after listening and writing to Pam I’m going to do that. In fact her order last night was to write what I was thinking. It didn’t have to be long or short, just what I was thinking. I wrote down what I was thinking….in my mind, not on paper yet but still just laid there and thought about it all. No revelations but still felt good to just put it all together. I talked to Michele on Saturday and though I have only met her in person one time it’s like she understands my thoughts and she has had some wonderful comments. But the biggest thing last night was when I got my e-mail from Casey my partner in the E2E challenge that everything became just a bit clearer and not even really clearer just more into perspective. She said this (I hope you don’t mind me sharing Casey but I can’t be the only one going through this and if your comment can help someone else….YEAH!!!)
“Oh Julie!
I was about to turn off my computer and decided to check my mail once more. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I'd just like to come and give you a great big, long hug. And I know that nothing I say can change the situation... so though I don't know what it feels like to have an only child leave home, know this, God knows what it feels like. He had to watch is only Son leave heaven to spend time on earth to save us. And He DOES know what you're going through and He CAN relate.
So sit down, close your eyes and imagine Him giving you that big hug I can't give you, ok.
Praying,
Casey”
WOW!!! I hadn’t thought of that, I hadn’t even really spent much time telling him about my feelings. I know he knows and I know I’ve talked to him about it but not REALLY TALKED about it. Between Pam’s idea and Casey’s comment I was able to just tell him what was wrong. It’s not a miracle, I don’t feel all put together and ready to move forward, not yet, but I do feel more in control of my feelings. I feel stronger, more able to be proud of Mike, more happy that he’s happy and so this is day one, day one to start seeing what I can do for me so that I can be the mama or really not mama anymore, the mom that Mike needs. The supporter instead of the nagger, the quiet person when he tells me his thoughts and ideas and not tell him it should be more this way instead of that way, the person for him to lean on when he needs it, not when I need it. I can do this!!!
Thank you everyone, I got some super sweet comments and hugs and thoughts when I really needed them. Everything time I need something you guys are out there ready to help, this blog world is amazing. You guys are amazing!!! THANK YOU!!!
Now it’s quiet here and time to really write down my thoughts, to start that journal. I have a special notebook that will be perfect for this, it says Julie’s Moments….Thoughts, prayers and ideas. I’ve been using for my life style changes so think I’ll go to the middle and start my thoughts and have them all in one place for that day when I want to look back and just see what I was doing, thinking and learning.
Blessings my friends.
15 comments:
Julie, I know this had been a difficult time for you. I have been keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. What you are going through isn't easy but you will come out stronger on the other side and so will Mike. I am sending you hugs and warm thoughts and I hope the tears will be over soon so that you can see the joy in having a young man embarking on a new adventure. It is so hard to let go but remember that he will still be your son no matter where he goes or what he does. Hang in there. Blessings.
I know what it's like when they leave. I have one more left at home and I'm sure I'm going to be a basket case when it's his time to go!!!
So hang in there, one day at a time.
All good advice, Julie. It's just one of those big life changes and sometimes we don't take to change very well. I like the idea of the journal. Sometimes I write it down and then shred it. It does help to just get it out of my head and write my bare feelings out. Hugs.
I never hadk ids, so I don't know the joys and pains that come along with that. But it's clear you raised an awesome, handsome, loving young man...and it's HIS TIME in life to spread the wings and realize dreams. You need to be his wind, not his anchor. You raised him right, and you love him more than anyone in the world, and it's that love that made him a great guy.
He's gonna be even more amazing. Just watch...pray over him and see him live his life beautifully.
And yeah, talk to Him. No one listens better. :D
I love to journal! It really helps, I've been doing one since I was young and I even have my girls do one. Pick a beautiful journal or decorate a plain notebook, something to make it extra special for you! Sending you hugs and prayers... you're a great Mom and he is lucky to have you in his corner!
Blessings,
Jill
Journals are such a great thing, and they really can help you pick up and feel better. As can quiet meditation and prayer, which I need to do better at. I hope they can help you get through this difficult time. *hugs*
Now, I don't know what to say, Julie. I'm glad He could comfort you through my words!
More hugs!
I am blessed by just reading all the touching comments left to bless you. God is good and will help and comport you in this time. Keep trusting in Him and you will come through this.
Hey...remember we r raising INDEPENDENT children, not DEPENDENT children, and u r doing a GREAT job doing just that!!!! It hurts...but nobody said it would b easy...I love u Julie&think you're doing a.great job... You'll be OK!!!!:)
You have a wonderful blogging community wrapping their arms around you and then some from all the comments above. You keep your chin up, okay??
How wonderful to have such thoughtful friends. I hope each day gets better and easier for you. Blessings.
When I get to missing my kids, I remind myself that God gave them for me to raise to the best of my ability, not keep with me forever, but to grow and flourish and become adults. We never totally let go, but we do need to release them so they can blossom.
(easier said than done!!)
Love you my friend!!
I am so happy that things are looking brighter for you. You deserve that.
That Casey is a wise woman & you, you are strong & will get through this:-) Focus on you getting healthy & think of what you will be gaining as he goes on in the world to become what he's meant to be. The journaling is a great idea also, sometimes getting it out helps to minimize how your mind focuses on it do that you can move on & not let it bring you down:-)
Oh Julie, I feel for you. Mine were home for Christmas and it was so nice. I hadn't really thought that them going back might be part of my mood until I just read your post....and I realize it is. I don't know why but I think I'm missing them more this year than usual. You do get used to them coming and going in your life and Kim and Debs are right. You did a good job raising Mike and he is strong and able to leave. While we may not want to look at it this way it is a measure of our success that our kids can go and come....if we did poorly they would either just go...or not go at all. So pat yourself on the back for a job well done and don't let him see you cry when he leaves.
Post a Comment