Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Life goes on … the heart and mind … it’s a lot slower …

It is amazing how I can be working in the garden and a thought pops up and makes my eyes leak. I can be talking to someone and they apologize or offer their sympathy and my eyes leak. I can be working with the kids and they’ll say something and …. yep, my eyes leak. On Saturday we laid Cindy to rest …. really that’s a stupid saying because she was at rest/play/new life in heaven … for us, rest isn’t in the cards yet. Having a disable daughter/sister has left a lot of untied ends and we are working through them. Disabilities, separated families, ill parents and much more makes this a process that leaves me stressed and not feeling tip top. I have a pinched nerve in my back and after 2 visits to the chiropractor I was hoping for some relief but there isn't any. The pain is there and down my left arm which is making life even more miserable right now. I ice, I heat, I took a whirlpool bath, I have taken enough IBP to kill a horse, I drank a wine cooler and nothing is helping and I know that some of it is I can’t relax and I can’t let go and I’m a mess and I can’t be because the daycare kids don’t always understand the crying, I can’t cry at mama’s…it’s so hard for them, and Jim … well I think he’s just plain tired of it all. Mike listens but even he can’t handle the basket case. Kim has been awesome listening and trying to help, Brenda’s daddy is in the hospital so she has her hands full. Terri lives just to far away to run away too. UGH!!!! If only this pain would go so I could give my all to the heartache.

Now there are good things too…. like …

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A 5K last weekend with Mike. His first and he beat me. 46:02 to 46:10. It was awesome having him there. It was such a great relief to be doing something different. He skips, jogs backwards and encouraged me on.

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My never ending garden and weeds, my gosh the weeds. I have given up on them and just am working at gathering.


For the first time we had corn on the grill. YUMMY!!!!


Cold morning walks with the dogs and fog.

And walks with my kids and dogs.

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And signs of fall is on it’s way….

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               ButterflyLife does move on and it’s onward and upwards but it’s a struggle that I see going on for a long time to come. I am so looking forward to getting back to school and a regular routine. I will miss my kids but I still get them at holidays and vacations so that is good and I’m sure they’ll be happy to see my happy again too.

We were suppose to have a craft show on Saturday but for the first time in 10 years we are bowing out of this one. I don’t have it together to do it and Brenda can’t be here so this one is a no go.

Life of Riley, not tip top but it’ll improve. IT WILL!!!


Saturday, August 3, 2013

Cynthia …. aka my sister Cindy ….

Cindy passed away yesterday at 4ish in the afternoon. For all that she’s was going through the doctors told us it was very fast and she was in no pain at the time it happened. I am in the process of figuring all of this stuff out to her wishes and what we can do and let me tell you, this bites hind tit really bad.

Please keep my family in your prayers as we get through all of this.

I am missing her so bad and today we have to do some work in the motor home she was living in. For her birthday I gave her a wish pet, she just turned 49 on Tuesday, she made a very quiet wish to the bear and last night I place him in her arms. I know very well in my heart she went to heaven to go fishing and hunting with Keith, an older gentleman that loved her so much and to our grandpa that passed away a little over a year ago. And you know something else, her very best dog Dusty was there jumping for joy to see her master again. I dreamt this a couple of days ago and even though other people might not believe this deep, down in my heart I know she’s now happy, healthy and loving it there. No more pain, no more suffering, no more having to put on an artificial leg and foot, no more uncontrolled diabetes, no more anything……just happiness.

Hug your family and friends, you don’t know when it’ll be over.

This is my last picture of Cindy. It was taken Sunday July 15th. She had fallen and need to have her neck/spine looked at.


Rest in peace Cindy. We loved you so much!