It is amazing how I can be working in the garden and a thought pops up and makes my eyes leak. I can be talking to someone and they apologize or offer their sympathy and my eyes leak. I can be working with the kids and they’ll say something and …. yep, my eyes leak. On Saturday we laid Cindy to rest …. really that’s a stupid saying because she was at rest/play/new life in heaven … for us, rest isn’t in the cards yet. Having a disable daughter/sister has left a lot of untied ends and we are working through them. Disabilities, separated families, ill parents and much more makes this a process that leaves me stressed and not feeling tip top. I have a pinched nerve in my back and after 2 visits to the chiropractor I was hoping for some relief but there isn't any. The pain is there and down my left arm which is making life even more miserable right now. I ice, I heat, I took a whirlpool bath, I have taken enough IBP to kill a horse, I drank a wine cooler and nothing is helping and I know that some of it is I can’t relax and I can’t let go and I’m a mess and I can’t be because the daycare kids don’t always understand the crying, I can’t cry at mama’s…it’s so hard for them, and Jim … well I think he’s just plain tired of it all. Mike listens but even he can’t handle the basket case. Kim has been awesome listening and trying to help, Brenda’s daddy is in the hospital so she has her hands full. Terri lives just to far away to run away too. UGH!!!! If only this pain would go so I could give my all to the heartache.
Now there are good things too…. like …
A 5K last weekend with Mike. His first and he beat me. 46:02 to 46:10. It was awesome having him there. It was such a great relief to be doing something different. He skips, jogs backwards and encouraged me on.
My never ending garden and weeds, my gosh the weeds. I have given up on them and just am working at gathering.
For the first time we had corn on the grill. YUMMY!!!!
Cold morning walks with the dogs and fog.
And walks with my kids and dogs.
And signs of fall is on it’s way….
Life does move on and it’s onward and upwards but it’s a struggle that I see going on for a long time to come. I am so looking forward to getting back to school and a regular routine. I will miss my kids but I still get them at holidays and vacations so that is good and I’m sure they’ll be happy to see my happy again too.
We were suppose to have a craft show on Saturday but for the first time in 10 years we are bowing out of this one. I don’t have it together to do it and Brenda can’t be here so this one is a no go.
Life of Riley, not tip top but it’ll improve. IT WILL!!!