Friday, January 20, 2012

E2E update and lots of life…

E2E: Emerge Transformed!14 Weeks to a New You!

Wednesday I told how things have been going for me. I have been putting off writing this update all day. Well really I drove bus today plus daycare and my husband aunt fell and I need to stop and check on her, then the usual stuff but I’m still dragging my butt writing this. I hate to admit defeat. I hate admitting I suck at this the past 3 weeks. I hate to admit my emotions are getting the best of me. I am depressed, tired, ready to cry and lonesome. Now I have been doing much better the past two days. I’ve put my best foot forward and have started over but these feelings are still running through my mind. I have started journaling, I have started leaning on the Lords shoulder a lot more and I have started being the mom not mama, a wife and not the mother of son, a woman that is learning to stand alone more often then not. But to start over I have to have a starting spot so here comes the dreaded stuff, the disappointment, the wow, how could that all of happened in 3 weeks.

The rules for the challenge are clear and set in stone. Here they are along with my answers and then I have more to add, of course I do.

~Weight – Absolutely horrible……was 175.4 not now, now it’s 188 …….scary!!!

Look at these feet. Look at the swollen ugly feet. I can see the extra weight, I can feel the extra weight.


~Waist measure (and any other measurements you track) Not good either… was 39” now 41”

~How you are doing with caloric/food-plan and exercise goals? My calories the past two days are 1200, but not before that. When I cry I eat, when I’m worried I eat, when I’m scared I eat, when things aren’t bright and cheery I eat …. and really bright and cheery I ate too.

~How you're doing overall, mood, motivation, etc--well, not well, middling. I’m not doing great. I don’t think I’ve ever been depressed in my life but now I do understand when people talk about the deep dark hole. I have no motivation. I do know if this keeps up I’ll go to the doctor and have a chatter with him.

~Any comments you'd like to share about your books. Comment at least ONCE a week on your reading material! For now I’m not reading any health related book. I’ve been spending time in my bible and reading a lot of soul mending verses. Such as : So, never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Sufficient for each day is its own badness. - Matthew 6:34

~Do you need support, tips, a cyberhug? Oh the hugs and tips and support has been awesome and oh so appreciated. I’ve been a turd, a slug, a not so good supporter but a new week is about to happen and I’m going back to the Julie that I loved instead of this mess she is right now.

~Are you commenting on your buddy's blog? Both Casey and I try and connect at least a couple times a week by e-mail and both of use visit each other blogs and I have to say Casey has a mountain of advice and comfort words and support for me. Thank you Casey.

~Are you supporting at least 3 other challengers? I know I didn’t make it to everyone this week, I have before this week and I will this coming week but I apology for the lack of support this week.

~Feel free to take a pic to show us progress if you're doing amazing! If I took a picture you’d all throw up. I’m tired looking, frumpy, and just down right scary. Maybe when I get back into the challenge things will improve.

~Make sure to include your guiding quote (even if you changed it) with your update. My quotes for this challenge are about running but right now I need something else…the quotes I like are posted on my right side (the running ones), the one for this coming week is:

"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved."
~George Sand~

And no matter what I felt like this week I know that I am loved. And I just need to remember that.

Remember: If your buddy looks about to miss an update and linky, remind them, prod them, encourage them, and get them in before the deadline! Get them on board! Casey always remembers and takes care of it but if she weren’t able too I’d step in to help.

On we go....never giving up! NO MATTER WHAT I’M NOT GIVING UP!!! I might of felt like it but I’m not a quitter and I don’t plan on starting now. A new day, a new week, a new frame of mind, a new in the works me.

I’m going to work up a to do list for next week. Something I can look at each day and know what’s next that way if I get to feeling like this next week I’ll have something to keep me on track. It’s just so weird not feeling normal. I’ll share my list as I get it put together.

Oh and something never to say to a mama when her son is leaving the nest….Everyone has done it, you’ll live. THAT SUCKS!!!! I’m not everyone and I know I’ll live.

Take care my friends. A stupid update with nothing fantastic but I’m trying.

Blessings to you all. Have a great weekend.!!


Kim said...

Doll the deep dark hole plus even scarier than this...don't worry, I'll help...u r a rockstar and my hero and doing great!!!

Karen Butler Ogle said...

I have always loved that verse, Julie. I like the original KJV too. "Do not worry for tomorrow, what you will eat or drink. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for the day is the evil thereof." I'm sure that isn't exactly right. To be honest, I haven't been in The Word much lately. Maybe I would be in a better place now if I had been more diligent with that. I think I will get out my bible tomorrow. There is so much hope to be found there.

I will be thinking of you, Julie. You know that I am struggling too. I had Dail shop for me this evening and I have all my planned foods in the house again. No junk. I'm ready for a brand new day tomorrow. I hope all of us in the challenge can have a better week this coming week. Hang in there, my friend.:)

Jillian said...

I'm struggling too. Actually, it'd be more accurate to say that I'm a flippin' hot mess. I know I can pull myself out of the darkest part of the tunnel I'm in right now, but I don't even want to think about what I've done to my body this week. Every day is a new learning experience, isn't it? I hope things get better for you soon.

Betty said...

Awe Julie, I wish I could not just give you a cyber ((HUG)), I really want to hug you!! I´m not sure if you have any woman friends nearby (you wrote about them once), maybe it would be good to get together with them and have a heart to heart. I know that always helped me when I was feeling my lowest.
All I can tell you is, hang in there, you will get through this. And if you have to take some kind of medication to help you with it, so be it. I know it helped me TONS to take hormones. Or are you taking them already? I´m sure part of your feelings are due to menopause and if not you should consider taking them. You will notice a huge difference.

On a different note, you have to come by my blog.I have a surprise for you there!

Caron said...

Julie, you are always so thoughtful to encourage me and I want to return the favor. I love Matthew 6:34 and thank you for reminding me of it. :)

I've only been depressed one time in my life (thank goodness!) and I hope I never repeat that horrible experience. Hang in there and do lean on us and keep us posted. :)

Michele said...

Hi, Julie,
You are experiencing a loss and a transition. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Loss and processing that loss is a process that moves one through anger, denial, acceptance and finally that transition that moves us forward. It is not a straight line from one aspect to another of that process, but an up and down like the hills near where you live and are near our cabin. Allow yourself to grieve, be angry, or whatever other emotions you are feeling. That is healthy and normal. Journaling definitely helps some folks and may you, too.

What helps me is to lose myself in reading or something coming up in the future. I would recommend two books to you: The Thorne Birds and the Bourne Identity, both have become movies, but both are epic works that take you into another world. I adored them both.

Second: set your sights on a target that you really want. For me that is two bike events, one on June 2 and one on August 26. For you I am guessing it may be a running event.

Life is bittersweet at times. There will be new growth for you during this time. Take good care. You are worth your efforts. Love, Michele

Maren said...

I want to give you a big hug. This journey is hard, so very hard.

But Julie, love your feet. They carry you through life. :) Hang in there sweet Julie, you will make it through!

Nanette said...

OH darling lady. I wish I could give you a big hug... I really like how pushing daisies says it... a hug is the equivalent of an emotional heimlich.

I'm sorry you're having such a time with everything. You might like the book I'm reading. The 100 Days Of Weight Loss. It gives you two pages to read a day and a small goal to accomplish. It's bite-size and concentrates a lot on emotional eating. It encourages you to recreate situations. Slow them down. Think through them and act through them rationally and with your goal in mind.

You are not a turd or a slug or a terrible supporter. You are a really awesome person experiencing stress and a bit of hardship. It's okay. We're here to support you.

It sounds so great and encouraging that you're wanting to start over and shed some of the yuck you're feeling or emerging from... Big goals before 50. Small goals every day/week. Right? I'm sorry you're so overwhelmed by everything right now. Big deep breaths... and if you're going to binge... try veggies. ;)

love. love. LOVE.

Debsdailylife said...

I sent you an email about an OTC that helped me thru many many winters!

"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure.~ Psalm 16:5"
I dont always like the path assinged to me, I can chose to walk in His will, or take my own path. (My own path most often leads to more heatache!)

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
He knows what lies ahead. Ask Him to help you make it thru. He truely does care!!

Hugs to you my dear friend!!

Eaba said...

Sorry to hear how down you've been. I struggle with depression as well and when it's bad it's really bad and when I'm good it's all good!

I totally understand how it feels to "look tired, frumpy, and down right scary." When I get in this position a good long soak in a hot bath always helps me out. I light candles, burn some incense, and sit in the candle lit tub and get right with myself. If it doesn't happen by the time the water gets cold I pull the plug and refill!

I'll be thinking about you and will stop by this week to see how your doing...


Angela Pea said...

Julie, Honey!

I'm so sorry you're feeling blue. I know it's hard, so very very hard to watch the kids go. It doesn't get any easier with multiple kids, either.

Hugs to you, my friend.

Jo said...

Julie, I'm sorry you're feeling down, but I'm glad we're in it together. For very different reasons. Mine is just winter blahs and happens every year. Yours is different, a loss. I agree with Betty to get your hormones checked out. Taking extra D3 and B12 injections has helped me a lot. But time will be your best friend, so just try to be with those you love and who love you and understand you. And stay in touch with your son - he is missing you, too. Hugs, my friend.

Casey said...

I hope you're feeling a little better by today. I think a lot of us can relate to that deep dark hole you're talking about. I love all the wise suggestions above and isn't it amazing what a support group you have. You know why??? Because you were/are there for them. First you spread the love and blessings and now they are loving and blessing you in return. You are a great friend and supporter. Big hug coming at you from me here!
Get into that tub like Eaba suggests!
Isaiah 43:1 and 2 "But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze."

Megan said...

Oh heart just aches for you. I'm worried about your poor little feet, too! Whay is that swelling from? Please hang in there and know that I;m praying for you.

upinthecosmos said...

So sorry this is hitting you so hard & making things that much tougher. I suffer from swollen feet in the summer & they are awful! I hope you can get back on track cause you are important & needed still, even if it's not on a daily basis.... he will always need you:-)