Wednesday I told how things have been going for me. I have been putting off writing this update all day. Well really I drove bus today plus daycare and my husband aunt fell and I need to stop and check on her, then the usual stuff but I’m still dragging my butt writing this. I hate to admit defeat. I hate admitting I suck at this the past 3 weeks. I hate to admit my emotions are getting the best of me. I am depressed, tired, ready to cry and lonesome. Now I have been doing much better the past two days. I’ve put my best foot forward and have started over but these feelings are still running through my mind. I have started journaling, I have started leaning on the Lords shoulder a lot more and I have started being the mom not mama, a wife and not the mother of son, a woman that is learning to stand alone more often then not. But to start over I have to have a starting spot so here comes the dreaded stuff, the disappointment, the wow, how could that all of happened in 3 weeks.
The rules for the challenge are clear and set in stone. Here they are along with my answers and then I have more to add, of course I do.
~Weight – Absolutely horrible……was 175.4 not now, now it’s 188 …….scary!!!
Look at these feet. Look at the swollen ugly feet. I can see the extra weight, I can feel the extra weight.
~Waist measure (and any other measurements you track) Not good either… was 39” now 41”
~How you are doing with caloric/food-plan and exercise goals? My calories the past two days are 1200, but not before that. When I cry I eat, when I’m worried I eat, when I’m scared I eat, when things aren’t bright and cheery I eat …. and really bright and cheery I ate too.
~How you're doing overall, mood, motivation, etc--well, not well, middling. I’m not doing great. I don’t think I’ve ever been depressed in my life but now I do understand when people talk about the deep dark hole. I have no motivation. I do know if this keeps up I’ll go to the doctor and have a chatter with him.
~Any comments you'd like to share about your books. Comment at least ONCE a week on your reading material! For now I’m not reading any health related book. I’ve been spending time in my bible and reading a lot of soul mending verses. Such as : So, never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Sufficient for each day is its own badness. - Matthew 6:34
~Do you need support, tips, a cyberhug? Oh the hugs and tips and support has been awesome and oh so appreciated. I’ve been a turd, a slug, a not so good supporter but a new week is about to happen and I’m going back to the Julie that I loved instead of this mess she is right now.
~Are you commenting on your buddy's blog? Both Casey and I try and connect at least a couple times a week by e-mail and both of use visit each other blogs and I have to say Casey has a mountain of advice and comfort words and support for me. Thank you Casey.
~Are you supporting at least 3 other challengers? I know I didn’t make it to everyone this week, I have before this week and I will this coming week but I apology for the lack of support this week.
~Feel free to take a pic to show us progress if you're doing amazing! If I took a picture you’d all throw up. I’m tired looking, frumpy, and just down right scary. Maybe when I get back into the challenge things will improve.
~Make sure to include your guiding quote (even if you changed it) with your update. My quotes for this challenge are about running but right now I need something else…the quotes I like are posted on my right side (the running ones), the one for this coming week is:
"There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved."
And no matter what I felt like this week I know that I am loved. And I just need to remember that.
Remember: If your buddy looks about to miss an update and linky, remind them, prod them, encourage them, and get them in before the deadline! Get them on board! Casey always remembers and takes care of it but if she weren’t able too I’d step in to help.
On we go....never giving up! NO MATTER WHAT I’M NOT GIVING UP!!! I might of felt like it but I’m not a quitter and I don’t plan on starting now. A new day, a new week, a new frame of mind, a new in the works me.
I’m going to work up a to do list for next week. Something I can look at each day and know what’s next that way if I get to feeling like this next week I’ll have something to keep me on track. It’s just so weird not feeling normal. I’ll share my list as I get it put together.
Oh and something never to say to a mama when her son is leaving the nest….Everyone has done it, you’ll live. THAT SUCKS!!!! I’m not everyone and I know I’ll live.
Take care my friends. A stupid update with nothing fantastic but I’m trying.
Blessings to you all. Have a great weekend.!!