Thursday, February 16, 2012

Can’t put a finger on it…

But something isn’t right with me. Oh I don’t mean my usual mind, that’s always a half a bubble off. I am not feeling right. It’s even hard to explain but I am overly tired and I am getting 6-7 hours a sleep a night. I am ready to cry and it’s not cuz Mike is working away because he’s been home this week, it’s not about college because that’s still 9 weeks away. It’s not my TOM or at least it shouldn’t be until the end of next week. My body hurts but not terribly just enough it’s hard to keep moving, even my hair hurts today. I’m not sick, at least not like the flu or a cold or anything like that. I just don’t know. I don’t feel depressed though all these things sorta point that way but really I don’t think so. There’s light in my tunnel so it’s not deep and dark. I haven’t been on my computer more then an hour a day, long enough to get my mail, check up on a few of you and maybe write a short post but even my computer isn’t drawing me in like it usually does. Diet wise I’m not excelling but I’m not drowning either. Exercise is almost non-existent (except my running/walking, that I try and get in at least 5 times a week and so far so good) but it’s not cuz I don’t want too it’s more I can’t fit it in or maybe I’m not trying hard enough because I’m off. I just don’t know. I don’t think I’ve been “me” since Christmas time. I sure in the heck haven’t been very helpful to anyone, I sure in the heck aren’t very motivational, and I know that I’m a bore to read. I have thought about just quitting my blog and see where life heads but I know that when it comes to Mike leaving I am going to need you guys more then ever. I guess I’m just lost. I did think about going to the doctor and seeing if my thyroid isn’t in the right numbers yet (in November we re-adjusted the meds) or talking to him about the hormonal crap but I just got a bill from last November’s lab stuff and they want $250.00 and this has to be paid first so guess for now I’ll just hang in there and maybe all of it is just that winter blues and once spring rolls around things will level off and be better.

There is lots of good stuff too, like I am enjoying my time with Jim in the garage though I do get my feelings hurt because I have to go talk to him out there and he doesn’t want to come in and talk with me. I am loving the bus driving though it is a very stressful job, making sure 40 students get to and from school all safe and sound. I am loving having just Joss for my daycare though just one doesn’t come close to paying the bills, thank God for driving bus. I am loving, really loving, the fact Mike has been off this week and is here to talk to, touch, have help me and more. The sun is shinning and that’s always a huge plus. Here’s what I saw on my way home last night. It was snowing, sunny and a funny yellow color (in the picture you can’t see the yellow but it really was strange). My parents, sister, friends and family are all healthy and doing pretty good. I am worried about the driver I’m subbing for, he has cancer and they think they got it all on Tuesday but he’ll be gone for a while and he’s 72 years old and …. well I’m worried, but he’s so glad that he picked me as his sub and he’s trusting me with his kids.

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I’m just off and weird and needed to chatter with you and need to take time to see what you’ve all been up too. Maybe tonight I’ll just come and sit and read some of what you’ve been up too.

Okay, I’m done. You don’t have to say anything, I know it’s me and I just need to find what’s up. I will because I hate not being the smiley, happy me, even though I’m not terrible I’m just not “me”.

Take care my friends and I’ll be back with the E2E challenge update this weekend. Have a blessed day!!

Oh I gotta share what Joss made for her mama today. She was gone on Monday and yesterday we played outside so today we made her mama Valentine’s flowers.

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15 comments:

Karen Butler Ogle said...

Julie,
I'm sorry you are feeling so down and lost. I can certainly identify with you. The aching and depression and all sounds like Fibromyalgia. You really need to see your doctor as soon as you can. In the meantime, try to take it easy on yourself. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Maren said...

I'm sorry you are struggling Julie. Maybe you should talk to the doctor about it? Maybe you have something easy to remedy, a deficiency of sorts? Vitamins? I have no clue, but I wish you the best!

upinthecosmos said...

So sorry you've not been feeling right. I myself have been going through a lot of the same sort of feelings and yesterday I actually got sick so today, as I deal with being sick, I'm figuring that it was all just the precurssor to getting the full blown sickness. Maybe my body was trying to fight it and finally just gave in. So today I'm miserable and home from work. I hope that's not the case for you cause I don't wish sickness on anyone but for me it's sort of an answer to what's been bugging me lately.... or I'm using it as one I guess:-) I hope you are feeling better soon!

deanna said...

I want to say I am sorry you are feeling down too. :( no fun. I have no advice. I am glad you have this blog to write your feeling down on. Keeping track of your ups and downs can be helpful. God Bless and praying tomorrow is a better day.

Jo said...

Sounds hormonal. But to me, everything sounds hormonal. Hair hurting sounds like sinuses, too. Or flu coming. Sorry I'm no help. But...drink your water, eat your fruits and veggies, take your vitamins and keep moving your body. As you know, that is the best way to take care of yourself. Hugs.

One Chicks Journey On Weight Watchers said...

Im sorry I hope you feel better :( def go to the doctors and check that thyroid out. Take care of yourself and try to talk more on here venting helps lots.

One Chicks Journey On Weight Watchers said...

Im sorry I hope you feel better :( def go to the doctors and check that thyroid out. Take care of yourself and try to talk more on here venting helps lots.

Betty said...

I agree with the rest. Go to the doctor. Don´t let it get too much out of control or it will be harder to fix in the end.
I´m sorry you are feeling out of it. It´s especially hard, when you can´t "show" a real symptom to treat. Blessings to you my friend!

EmptyNester said...

Dang. Doctors are expensive. But, if this doesn't pass, you might have to go. Maybe it's just so much on your plate. Or maybe you're fighting something off. Or maybe it's being exposed to all those kids and their germs and your immune system is working overtime to acclimate. Whatever it is, I hope it passes soon!

KAT said...

So sorry you aren't feeling yourself. Do you have any friends that are nurses that you could talk to? Is it possible you could be starting the change? I know you are young but some women to start young. Just something to check out. Hope you feel better soon.

Jill said...

Hope you are feeling better soon!

Blessings,
Jill

Shawn said...

Hope you get to feeling better soon, could be hormones ..
Don't quit your blog, be like me..surf other sites and post when you feel like it. We will all be here waiting for you!

These new captchas drive me crazy! LOL
Pretty soon we will have to write a paragraph to prove we're not a robot!

Debsdailylife said...

The late winter funk!! Thats what I call it!! If it lasts to long, you should probably seek the help of a doctor.
This winter has been mild, and now all the sudden, here it is!!! Im not a doctor, so dont take this as medical advice!!! Sounds hormonal!! Premenopause stinks!! St Johns Wart has been a lifesaver for me.
Hugs and prayers to you my dear dear friend!!!

Jordan said...

You can ramble on anytime you want! Even if you know there isn't really an answer, but you just want to get it out. I post so much because I don't have anyone in my real life that I can talk to about my stuff and it helps to get it out. I've been very blah lately, sleeping a lot and not having anything that really makes me happy. My joints hurt more after I had lyme disease. Now they sometimes hurt according to my monthly cycle.
Anyway - we're keeping you in our thoughts! Be well!

Michele said...

HI, Julie,
Other have said this already, but I wonder about the hormones. Plus, you have to think some about menopause. It wrecks havoc on your hormones. Hope you are feeling a little better Michele