Tuesday, October 2, 2012

I hate the empty nest…

And no matter what I’m not going to like it, at least not now. I miss Mike. I miss his laugh. I miss his hugs. I miss his mess. I miss having someone to talk to all the time. I so wanted to go and see him over MEA but I can’t. It takes money I don’t have and even if the Lord did provide that, our MEA is Thursday and Friday, Mike’s is Monday and Tuesday. I don’t have a small car and oh how I hate borrowing one, all the what if’s. I miss Mike, I miss Mike! Last week I went to the Cuyuna look out all by myself. It is not the same going alone. There was no one to share the beautiful weather with. No one to point and shout “look at that” with. Hiking alone is not my thing but I’m doing it with the hopes that I will get to enjoy my company. It hasn’t happened yet. Mike’s room screams quiet. The driveway is missing a suburban and a wonderful young man.

However even with missing him so much I am the proudest mama in the whole wide world. Mike is doing awesome with his studies and one of the top students there. His professors talked to him last week and told him that he’s really got a talent for all of this and that they really like working with him. He’s done some volunteering which gives him points towards graduation. Last weekend he worked a rodeo. Not really the best thing for him because he is severely allergic to horses and is still paying for it this week with allergies that turned into the most horrible cold.

  Prison1Photo

This month he’s volunteering at the the prison for a Halloween haunted gathering. I can’t wait to hear about that. He’s going to a meeting tonight for it.

I am loving the attention, time with Jim, and conversations we have had. I love holding hands and walking side by side. I love the phone calls while I’m sitting in the bus at an activity and chatting for long periods of time. The sex, well it’s awesome! The fishing, the cart rides, the sitting on the swing just sitting. All these things I didn’t do while Mike was home because…..well I had Mike and Jim was always busy.

However I miss Mike and can’t wait until Christmas time when he’ll be home for 10 days. A few days of just us all together and a few days for Mike and Scott and Winchester and Remington to be young men enjoying each other just doing things that tickle their funny bones.

Then of course he’s gone again but this time only for 4 months and will be graduating. Then…….well I am betting he’ll become the diesel tech, welding wiz of the century. Someone that will do some amazing things.

But for now, I miss Mike. I love him with all my heart and am very proud of him. I love you Mike. I know you read my blog sometimes, maybe today will be one of those times.

Hug your children, enjoy even those days that are the worse because the will grow up, they will become amazing people. Heck we raised them to do that. But at the same time there’s a hole the size of Minnesota in my heart just waiting to touch his face and hear his laughter and see his smile.

Blessings my friend!

7 comments:

Caron said...

Wow, Julie. Great post. When it comes down to it, nobody can love like a mama. Since I grew up in a children's home, I had no idea what I was getting into when I had my two girls. Now they are 30 and 32 and I still worry about them. I was dumb enough to think that at 18 they would leave and my job was done. I suppose I based that on the fact that there was nobody to care when I turned 18, graduated from high school and left for a job in another city.

Hang in there. The time is counting down and before you know it, Mike will be done with his school. :)

Cindy said...

*sigh* I was crying last night because of the ache and sadness in my heart from missing my girls...

Betty WSch. said...

This empty nest "feeling" comes in stages. Pam wrote a great post about it a while ago. You are still at the beginning and it WILL get better. Hope you come to love it some day! :)

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Debsdailylife said...

Hugs!!!
Even in the misery of loneliness you are rediscovering love!!

Running Stitches said...

I don't have a completely empty nest, but can identify with your empty feeling. A wonderful friend sent me this to a YouTube video.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

Baby Sister said...

I'm sorry you're missing him, but Christmas will be here before you know it!!