And Mike, I will never let go. This too shall pass and everything will become better. I LOVE YOU!!!
To everyone else, we are moving along and learning along the ways. Life isn’t easy but God didn’t promise a rose garden. So it’s always onward and upwards.
It is amazing how I can be working in the garden and a thought pops up and makes my eyes leak. I can be talking to someone and they apologize or offer their sympathy and my eyes leak. I can be working with the kids and they’ll say something and …. yep, my eyes leak. On Saturday we laid Cindy to rest …. really that’s a stupid saying because she was at rest/play/new life in heaven … for us, rest isn’t in the cards yet. Having a disable daughter/sister has left a lot of untied ends and we are working through them. Disabilities, separated families, ill parents and much more makes this a process that leaves me stressed and not feeling tip top. I have a pinched nerve in my back and after 2 visits to the chiropractor I was hoping for some relief but there isn't any. The pain is there and down my left arm which is making life even more miserable right now. I ice, I heat, I took a whirlpool bath, I have taken enough IBP to kill a horse, I drank a wine cooler and nothing is helping and I know that some of it is I can’t relax and I can’t let go and I’m a mess and I can’t be because the daycare kids don’t always understand the crying, I can’t cry at mama’s…it’s so hard for them, and Jim … well I think he’s just plain tired of it all. Mike listens but even he can’t handle the basket case. Kim has been awesome listening and trying to help, Brenda’s daddy is in the hospital so she has her hands full. Terri lives just to far away to run away too. UGH!!!! If only this pain would go so I could give my all to the heartache.
Now there are good things too…. like …
A 5K last weekend with Mike. His first and he beat me. 46:02 to 46:10. It was awesome having him there. It was such a great relief to be doing something different. He skips, jogs backwards and encouraged me on.
My never ending garden and weeds, my gosh the weeds. I have given up on them and just am working at gathering.
For the first time we had corn on the grill. YUMMY!!!!
Cold morning walks with the dogs and fog.
And walks with my kids and dogs.
And signs of fall is on it’s way….
Life does move on and it’s onward and upwards but it’s a struggle that I see going on for a long time to come. I am so looking forward to getting back to school and a regular routine. I will miss my kids but I still get them at holidays and vacations so that is good and I’m sure they’ll be happy to see my happy again too.
We were suppose to have a craft show on Saturday but for the first time in 10 years we are bowing out of this one. I don’t have it together to do it and Brenda can’t be here so this one is a no go.
Life of Riley, not tip top but it’ll improve. IT WILL!!!
Cindy passed away yesterday at 4ish in the afternoon. For all that she’s was going through the doctors told us it was very fast and she was in no pain at the time it happened. I am in the process of figuring all of this stuff out to her wishes and what we can do and let me tell you, this bites hind tit really bad.
Please keep my family in your prayers as we get through all of this.
I am missing her so bad and today we have to do some work in the motor home she was living in. For her birthday I gave her a wish pet, she just turned 49 on Tuesday, she made a very quiet wish to the bear and last night I place him in her arms. I know very well in my heart she went to heaven to go fishing and hunting with Keith, an older gentleman that loved her so much and to our grandpa that passed away a little over a year ago. And you know something else, her very best dog Dusty was there jumping for joy to see her master again. I dreamt this a couple of days ago and even though other people might not believe this deep, down in my heart I know she’s now happy, healthy and loving it there. No more pain, no more suffering, no more having to put on an artificial leg and foot, no more uncontrolled diabetes, no more anything……just happiness.
Hug your family and friends, you don’t know when it’ll be over.
This is my last picture of Cindy. It was taken Sunday July 15th. She had fallen and need to have her neck/spine looked at.
Rest in peace Cindy. We loved you so much!
3000 miles in 14 days (10 of them travel days), many hours sitting by the window, very little conversation, some eye contact, to many meals in the hospital cafeteria, play time with daddy which just exasperates mama, lots of word finds, a couple of books, blowing up blue gloves to make balloons cuz today is Cindy’s birthday, miles of walking the halls, to and from the parking garage, doctors (my goodness the doctors, specialist, nurses, beginner doctors, intermediate doctors, residents), words and body parts and treatments, tests, cats cans, MRI’s, x-rays, needles, blood, huge machines, mostly great people, wonderful cleaning lady. And in-between all of that there’s daycare, family, my garden, house, yard, mama and daddy’s house, yard, farm animals, bus driving and some sort of regular life….well no not really, no life right now. But there was 3 days in all of this that Cindy was able to sit up and talk, make some sense and even smile and lots of “do you remembers”. Now tomorrow is “THE” care conference to decide how much longer, how much more do we do, does Cindy take before the end arrives. Today is the day I fill out the cremation paperwork. I have to plan my sisters funeral. I’m not alone,my mama is doing her best but can you imagine having to see your daughter going though all of this just about every day, cleaning out her living home, and helping arrange her funeral. And daddy, his daughter-his favorite love of his life daughter (and no it doesn’t bother me, he loves me too…just differently) is going home to the Lord and he won’t have her to love and hold and get mad at and laugh with and bug and help and just sit and have coffee with . . it’s unreal to him. Remember he’s got some head troubles we are dealing with too and in fact next Thursday we go to a neurologist for some testing. We’ll just say that July 2013 is not a month I want to ever have to do over again, and it’s not over and neither is tomorrows meeting.
I do have a word of warning or a message of love for anyone that has signed the Advance Directives for a persons life. It’s not to be taken lightly at all because everyone is looking to you for questions, answers, decisions, reasons and life’s lessons. You have to take the person you are director of, the doctors, the family all in to consideration when you are making decisions for someone that can’t. It is hard on the heart and the head, the body and soul but also an honor because Cindy trusts me with all her heart and soul to take care of her here and the after. She will be in the Lords hands when the time comes.
I just wanted to check in. I haven’t a clue when I can again, I just happen to have a little bit this morning before daycare gets here.
I hope that your July is calm and filled with summer fun and love. Mine has the love and we will be strong and get pass all of this and learn and grow and relive the joyest moments. We aren’t sure this is the end, only the Lord knows that, but we will just take it all a day at a time and see where life or death leads us.
Take care my friends.
I haven't really. This summer month has not turned out the way I had envisioned at all. I had wanted to go camping, a bit of fishing and hiking and just relaxing enjoying the summer that is never long enough but God seems to have other plans and of course I will follow them and maybe with luck we will have a really long wonderfully nice fall.
My sister was admitted to the UofM last Thursday and we have lived down there (well really we travel almost daily the 290 miles back and forth) for the past week and the 6 days before that at the Crosby hospital. She fell and hurt her neck and though that's not what her issues are now it was the start of the end. Today we are going to the cities to figure out the end of life things. On Saturday they had her almost in the grave but she has rallied a bit so not sure when but do know that life isn't easy. No kidneys, no liver, not much lungs, no stomach and the rest too. And to top all of this off, my mama sister had her 3rd heart attack yesterday so after the Cindy visit we'll be doing a Pat visit.
We know the Lord doesn't give us more than we can carry but I truly believe he pushes and pushes us to the limit and beyond.
I will be back when things calm down. I did take yesterday off from the hospital stuff and took my daycare kids 150 miles away from it all to Lake Superior for a day of sunshine and fun and relaxing. It was a must for me so that I can be ready for today.
Here’s a couple picture of yesterday just to relax by. Take care my friends and even though I haven’t stopped by I do think about you and hope that life is treating you wonderfully and that you are enjoy our beautiful summer.
Blessings!
How does one thing lead into another and another and another and not even be related? On Sunday we took Cindy to the ER because she fell and hit her head and was having neck, back and muscle spasms in her arm. On Monday she really looked good, Tuesday she couldn’t understand anything and Tuesday evening they put her in ICU because her ammonia levels rose beyond dangerous. It’s from her diabetes and because she wasn’t feeling good had spiked up at 600 and when they got it down she sorta ferments in the belly and the ammonia levels rise. They got that fixed and then next thing we know she’s throwing up and passing blood and they rush her to the cities to the UofM. So we hop in the suburban and get our butts down there (I took my mama and daddy down) and we sit there for 6 hours waiting and waiting to see if they can find out what’s up. We answer more question that I even thought I knew about Cindy and her medical history and such and when we left (we came home, motels and such are way beyond our price limits plus we all have animals that need our attention so easier to drive home and head out again in an hour) they still have more cats cans, MRI’s, surgeons on call, tests, x-rays to do to find out what is wrong with her. UGH!!!! Cindy has gone through so much and it looks like there’s much more to go through. And my parents, I just can’t imagine going to bed at night and not knowing if you’ll have one or two daughters in the morning. And me, the stress of trying to handle it all and take care of mama and daddy and still do things I have to do. I took today off to take them down but I can’t tomorrow, I can’t go another day without pay so am going to drive bus tomorrow and we’ll drive the next 290 miles again on Saturday. But right now, I day at a time. Really first some breakfast. We don’t eat while down there so will pack a lunch for us all and try and be home by 9-10 tonight so a big breakfast is needed however it’s really hard to eat when life is up in the air.
I just wanted to update you on what’s what and ask you to keep praying for Cindy and the family. We aren’t sure what to expect when we get down there, yes we can call but the doctors and nurses said they won’t know anything until noon time at the earliest so might as well just talk to them in person and if they need more permission for whatever or something had happened they would of called me or daddy.
Thank you my friends.
We’re hoping for a few of these today!
That’s the time I got back from the hospital this morning. My sister is in there again but this time for such a different reason. She fell out of her camper a few days ago (remember she’s very ill and has one artificial leg and 1/2 foot) and hit a popular tree with her head. The trees okay but she’s not. They really aren’t sure what’s up yet but think something with her neck and spine. I admitted her at 5:00 last night and after 2 cat scans, many blood tests and waiting, my goodness the waiting, they don’t know anything so kept her because of the seizures in her neck and arm and she isn’t able to take care of herself. MRI’s today and I’m sure more blood work and PT and ??? I have a houseful of kids so can’t be there right away but have family and friends that will watch the kids so I can go if I need too. I’m Cindy’s life director and more so they need me there for the important stuff though they can call if they have too.
So please prayers for my sister. Her life is so difficult and though a lot of it is early life living some of it’s just plain hard.
I have lots to share in a day or two but for now family and kids. Take care my friends. Have an awesome day!
While surfing around on the Instructables website I found a really cute tote that the girls could make today. It’s a no sew but once done you can’t tell it isn’t sewed when you look up close. It’s waterproof and almost indestructible. I made something in a small pouch for the boy scouts 1st aide kits a long time about with the same idea.
So see what the girls made…fabric, scissors, staplers and duct tape…
As you can tell from the smiles they had a great time and now have a bag to … well I don’t know what they are going to do with theirs but I’m going to use mine for a lunch bag.
Hope you’re having a great day. We are off to our local county fair. Of course I’m sure there will be pictures to share.
