3000 miles in 14 days (10 of them travel days), many hours sitting by the window, very little conversation, some eye contact, to many meals in the hospital cafeteria, play time with daddy which just exasperates mama, lots of word finds, a couple of books, blowing up blue gloves to make balloons cuz today is Cindy’s birthday, miles of walking the halls, to and from the parking garage, doctors (my goodness the doctors, specialist, nurses, beginner doctors, intermediate doctors, residents), words and body parts and treatments, tests, cats cans, MRI’s, x-rays, needles, blood, huge machines, mostly great people, wonderful cleaning lady. And in-between all of that there’s daycare, family, my garden, house, yard, mama and daddy’s house, yard, farm animals, bus driving and some sort of regular life….well no not really, no life right now. But there was 3 days in all of this that Cindy was able to sit up and talk, make some sense and even smile and lots of “do you remembers”. Now tomorrow is “THE” care conference to decide how much longer, how much more do we do, does Cindy take before the end arrives. Today is the day I fill out the cremation paperwork. I have to plan my sisters funeral. I’m not alone,my mama is doing her best but can you imagine having to see your daughter going though all of this just about every day, cleaning out her living home, and helping arrange her funeral. And daddy, his daughter-his favorite love of his life daughter (and no it doesn’t bother me, he loves me too…just differently) is going home to the Lord and he won’t have her to love and hold and get mad at and laugh with and bug and help and just sit and have coffee with . . it’s unreal to him. Remember he’s got some head troubles we are dealing with too and in fact next Thursday we go to a neurologist for some testing. We’ll just say that July 2013 is not a month I want to ever have to do over again, and it’s not over and neither is tomorrows meeting.
I do have a word of warning or a message of love for anyone that has signed the Advance Directives for a persons life. It’s not to be taken lightly at all because everyone is looking to you for questions, answers, decisions, reasons and life’s lessons. You have to take the person you are director of, the doctors, the family all in to consideration when you are making decisions for someone that can’t. It is hard on the heart and the head, the body and soul but also an honor because Cindy trusts me with all her heart and soul to take care of her here and the after. She will be in the Lords hands when the time comes.
I just wanted to check in. I haven’t a clue when I can again, I just happen to have a little bit this morning before daycare gets here.
I hope that your July is calm and filled with summer fun and love. Mine has the love and we will be strong and get pass all of this and learn and grow and relive the joyest moments. We aren’t sure this is the end, only the Lord knows that, but we will just take it all a day at a time and see where life or death leads us.
Take care my friends.